I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
