she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
