if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
