mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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