Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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