it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
