Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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