In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
