the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
