Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
