Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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