i think my tv is drunk
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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