Soap is not a condiment
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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