hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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