Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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