Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
