On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
