Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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