The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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