so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
