Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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