belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
did you just send me my own nude
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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