Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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