went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
