A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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