A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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