pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
