Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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