Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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