I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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