Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
