somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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