did you get engaged???
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
