He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
