I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
