The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
