Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
