So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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