he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
