Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
