Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
