my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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