just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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