Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
