Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize