I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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