im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
