OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
