i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
