I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
