After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
